Tag Archives: No Buy Year

Minimalism & Love Languages – OYoLM March Update

One day in college during an RA staff meeting, my boss informed us that we would be discovering our “love language” together that afternoon.  Doubtful and apprehensive at first, I didn’t see how this cutesy little system could help me understand myself better or even peg me accurately.  Especially with the phrase “love tank” being bandied about, there was some definite eye rolling.

However, upon exposure to the descriptions of said “languages,” I was surprised at how much they made sense.  I didn’t think I would fit into a love language mold, but I absolutely did (the Quality Time and Words of Affirmation molds, in fact).  I later read the book for myself (and years later walked my own RA staff through the quiz), and if you allow yourself to look past the cheese, there’s a lot of wisdom to be found.

For the uninitiated, Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages explains how people tend to give and receive love in different ways and how by knowing your own love language(s) and those of others, we are in a better place both to demonstrate our love and truly feel loved.  He proposes that most people fall into one of five love language camps (or at least value some camps more than others): Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  This was such a revelation to me at 19.  I finally understood why unloading the dishwasher meant so much more to my mom than just “hanging out.”  Or why I could remember in detail both the best and worst things people said about me.

So what does this have to do with “Our Year of Living Minimally”?  Well, March is a big celebratory month for us with my birthday and our anniversary falling two days apart (Beware the Ides of March & Happy St. Paddy’s!), and special occasions like these tend to mean stuff, at least in greater consumer culture.  When we put our shopping ban in place, we decided not to get each other presents for our birthdays, anniversary, or Christmas.  We still very much celebrate these occasions, just without the stuff.  In fact, this year David got up early to make me a delicious black bean tostada birthday breakfast and shared a list of his favorite memories of our relationship, complete with a song for each category of memories.

He also tried his hand at a chocolate cake (from SCRATCH!) and officially redeemed himself from the flour/powdered sugar confusion incident of 2011 … 😉  We celebrated our anniversary with dinner and plan to celebrate more fully this summer with a night away.

Now, in full disclosure, “Receiving Gifts” happens to be the lowest ranked love language for both of us.  That’s not to say that we haven’t given and received thoughtful gifts over the course of our relationship, but certainly our most memorable gifts have been experiences together.  To celebrate our first year of marriage (and our birthdays as justification for the trip), we got to go skiing.  Our first year in Indonesia we celebrated our second anniversary with a hiking/beach vacation in Lombok.  We took a babymoon/anniversary/birthday trip to the Philippines for year #3.

Now that Clementine’s here, our trips consist of walking 50 meters to the local Mexican food joint, but we’re still happy to be spending time together.

Perhaps pursuing minimalism is easier for us in some ways due to our love language bent, but this year has pinched at us a bit namely because of our primary love languages.  While we may not be as tempted to go out and buy a lot of things, going out to eat (sometimes multiple times a week) was a significant way we spent quality time together before this year.  However, in limiting those experiences, two things have happened.  1) We work together more in prepping meals to eat at home, which allows for more quality time and 2) We really cherish those rare occasions (book dates & birthdays) where we do get to spend time together over a meal we didn’t prepare.

So what about you?  Do you know your love language(s)?  How does it impact your experience with minimalism?

OYoLM February Edition – The Why

While I (Sarah) do most of the writing for this blog, my husband (David) is chiming in this month to share the “why” of not only our decision to buy (almost) nothing for a year, but also the general motivations for our pursuing minimalism.

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The formation of new habits is largely a matter of forming new loves, new orientations of the heart that recalibrate the course of our lives towards our deepest longings. Put more simply: new habits begin when we answer the question “why?” in a new way and then act on that new answer. When we provide a new, clear, definite, desirable answer to the question “why,” we often find the motivation that had been lacking to undertake new ventures, explore new places, or make lasting changes to our lives. Why run? Why diet? Why read? Why travel? Why own less? Answer these questions in a new way and you will be forced to explore new ways of living, and these new ways of living are the beginning of new habits.

Joshua Becker assigns some simple homework to participants in the first week of his Uncluttered course: know your why. Beginning a journey of minimalism demands establishing true north, identifying Polaris so that travellers can stay on course. During the first week of the course, Sarah and I dutifully sat down to finish our homework. We agreed to work individually first, and then come back together to share what came to mind in answering the “why” of our pursuing minimalism. After our conversation we then condensed and consolidated our reasons and posted them on our bathroom mirror where they still hang, an ever-present reminder at the start and close of each day for why we are choosing to live in a new way.

I want to share our why on this blog, or at least a part of it. For some of you our why may be so predictable and well worn that that it hardly seems worth repeating, but I hope that for others our why provides new questions or new motivations for your own lives.

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Everyone should read this book!

The reality is our minimalism journey was a long time coming. Sarah and I would both list Richard Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline as one of our favorite and most impactful books. What Foster sets out to do in Celebration of Discipline is to reintroduce time honored spiritual disciplines, one of which being simplicity. Foster calls our materialism “the modern psychosis that defines people by how much they can produce or what they earn” (Foster, 101). He goes on to state:

This psychosis permeates even our mythology. The modern hero is the poor boy who purposefully becomes rich rather than the rich boy who voluntarily becomes poor. (We still find it hard to imagine that a girl could do either!) Covetousness we call ambition. Hoarding we call prudence. Greed we call industry (Foster, 101).

While minimalism may be a new movement garnering a lot of attention over the past few years, its criticisms of a materialistic culture are nothing new; Celebration of Discipline was originally published in 1978.

For Sarah and I, minimalism is deeply connected to our faith in Jesus Christ, because we believe that God cares about how we relate to possessions. For us seeking to live minimally is part and parcel of learning to “seek first the kingdom of God” (Matt 6:33). Foster states, “The central point for the Discipline of simplicity is to seek the kingdom of God and the righteousness of his kingdom first and then everything necessary will come in its proper order” (Foster, 106). For the Christian “the inward reality of simplicity involves a life of joyful unconcern for possessions” (Foster, 106).

There are two dangers to minimalism and minimalism-type lifestyles. One can be found in Marie Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (another motivating force in moving us towards minimalism). While there are some great practical tips in her book, the Konmari method does not involve shifting the location of our joy or meaning; it merely attempts to refine it. For Kondo joy is still found in possessions; indeed her whole approach is essentially stripping away the non-joyful possessions so that those material things that are joy inducing can shine all the brighter. One danger in minimalism is that we still seek joy materialistically. We just seek to do so qualitatively instead of quantitatively.

The other slightly more insidious danger is for minimalism to become a badge of honor marking the one who lives most minimally as the winner in a lifestyle of game of limbo. The bar is continually lowered, and participants own less and less proving just “how low they can go.” But this can easily become an exhausting, legalistic, joy-sucking game of judgment (and indeed five minutes poking around Amazon or the blogosphere will take you to some of these stories).

But for Foster and for the Christian, the point isn’t in what you own, rather a lot or a little. The point is the pursuit of the kingdom of God, for “simplicity itself becomes idolatry when it takes precedence over seeking the kingdom” (Foster 107). This in no way invalidates the very good reasons for living minimally because “when the kingdom of God is genuinely placed first, ecological concerns, the poor, the equitable distribution of wealth, and many other things will be given their proper attention” (Foster 107).

So why do we week to live minimally? We seek to live minimally because “life does not consist in an abundance of possessions” (Luke 12:15). We seek to live minimally because we have been given the kingdom (Luke 12:32). We seek to live minimally so that we can “learn the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Phil 4:12). Most of all we seek to live minimally as a way of seeking God’s kingdom, being transformed, asking that God “turn our taking into giving…giving as he gave himself up for us all” (from Walter Brueggemann’s prayer, “We are takers,” in Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth).

Our Year of Living Minimally – January Update

Well, we survived the first month of our “Buy (Almost) Nothing Year,” and it wasn’t as difficult as I’d anticipated!  All of the decluttering and simplifying we did over the Christmas holiday really paved the way for initial success with our audacious goal.  In the past, I would get overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our kitchen, both random utensils and a decent amount of non-perishable food, so much so that I was discouraged from cooking.  However, by ridding ourselves of the excess, cooking is a much more pleasant endeavor … and it doesn’t hurt that David doesn’t mind doing the dishes.  🙂

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Friday Night Fettuccine

As I mentioned before, my biggest apprehension going into this year was our no eating out rule (excepting book dates and travel).  That first Friday night at home it was a little sad not to head out together for our weekly Amigos date, but it’s since become the new normal.  We’ve decided to make Fridays “Italian Night” complete with either homemade pizza or a pasta creation.  It’s also been great having leftovers to carry us through the weekend.

Since we’re a bit behind in our reading, going into the month it looked as though we might not eat out at all the entire month of January.  However, the school needed to send us to Singapore for a visa run, which meant we had no choice but to eat away from home.  🙂  We thoroughly enjoyed our rogan josh and chicken tikka masala in Little India.  And Clementine is a huge fan of the mango lassi!  We were thankful for the little “splurge” and I am newly motivated to try out some Indian recipes in the not so distant future.

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Enjoying our Little India “splurge”

We did do a little Orchard Road shopping for Clementine while in Singapore, although all under our “approved” guidelines.  Her grandparents gave her some money for Christmas we had yet to spend, so we got her a Grimm rainbow, which she’s loved.  Since potty training is in our imminent future, we also got her a potty seat … (pray for us now).

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Loving her Christmas present

One thing I did notice on our trip was the lure of Starbucks.  At the airport I mentioned to David how on any other trip we’d be grabbing our triple caramel macchiatos (easy on the syrup) before boarding the plane.  I was proud of us for drinking homemade coffee in the car on the way there.  I hadn’t missed it much, but walking around Singapore where there was a Starbucks every few meters it seemed, I was suddenly very aware that I hadn’t had a takeout coffee in awhile and how nice it would be to get one.  It’s crazy how much our surroundings influence us!  I am so thankful that I don’t see a Starbucks on a daily basis or really any other “tempting” shops.  (See photo above for the “We Miss You!” email I received from them the other day …)

While we didn’t finish Anna Karenina (our December book) this month, we went ahead and read January’s The Underground Railroad since a digital copy recently became available from the library (and was going away at the end of the month).   Even though we live overseas, we still have access to three Dallas area libraries, and more often than not we are able to find the books we’re wanting to read.  There’s even an option to “recommend” the library purchase certain digital titles, and a few times they’ve actually stocked David’s requests.  All that to say, if you haven’t looked into your local library’s digital titles, you are potentially missing out on a goldmine of convenient and free reading.

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January #DaSHbookdate

In addition to our unforeseen Singapore trip, we actually got a book date in this month as well.  Because eating out has become a treat and not the norm, we have appreciated it so much more.**  We really savored each meal, taking no bite for granted.  However, now that eating at home is the norm, we appreciate those meals more as well.  We’re eating more healthily both in content and quantity, and we’re spending less money.  It’s still very early in our year long experiment, but we are happy to see some rhythms emerge and notice positive change.

So that’s the update at one month in.  I realized after the last post that I hadn’t gotten much into the “why” of our decision and had planned to use this month to cover that more fully.  However, I’m going to leave that one to David.  This year is the culmination of ideas and promptings spread over the course of several years, so much so that “the why” deserves its own post.  Plus, David spoke in chapel this month over the spiritual discipline of simplicity, and I know he’ll express our heart much better than I could.  So … stay tuned.  🙂

** I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a fantastic resource we stumbled upon this month that has further shaped our thinking about consumerism and its pitfalls.  The whole blog is worth checking out, but this post in particular really helped put our eating out habits into perspective.

2017: Our Year of Living Minimally

I almost titled this blog, “2017: Our Buy Nothing* Year,” but then admitted that was a bit misleading.  A few things fall under that asterisked “nothing.”  We (of course) will buy things over the course of the next year.  Food, for example.  Clothing for our child.  However, when it comes to the nonessentials, our goal is next to nothing.

A little over a year ago I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  While the author can be a bit particular and extreme, I loved the basic concept of keeping only things that are truly meaningful (that “spark joy”) and discarding the rest.  She advocates huge purges in a very systematic way.  We didn’t completely follow her method (except for folding clothes!), but the book provided a good foundation for our future decluttering efforts.

Around this same time I noticed friends posting articles from the blog Becoming Minimalist, many of which resonated with me deeply.  We needed to simplify.  To live with less.  Declutter.  Define priorities and live with intentionality.  Last spring, in an effort to promote his new book, the author of the blog ran a special on an online course called “Uncluttered.”  By preordering the book, you got access to the class for free (normally $90).  We figured a $12 book that intrigued us anyway was worth access to a 12 week course that would hopefully support us as we sought to make some significant changes to our lifestyle and habits.

While in the first go-round we made minimal (no pun intended) progress due to the end of school and summer travel, this fall we were able to repeat the course and actually complete it thanks to the extra time over our Christmas holiday.  As of New Year’s Eve, with the last of our “excess stuff” donated/sold and out the door, our home is completely clutter free.  Every closet, every drawer, every cabinet and folder has been thoroughly considered and purged of uneccessary clutter.  We have gone through every item of clothing, every pen, every spice jar.

Everything that remains is either something we know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.

But back to the title of this post.  We have made real strides on our “minimalist journey” and have settled into the rhythms that work for us.  Looking into 2017, however, we have a new goal.  Inspired by a few others on a similar minimalism journey, we’ve decided to implement our own “Buy Nothing Year.”  Just like minimalism looks different for different people, the guidelines we’ve decided on are unique to us and our situation.  I am sharing our guidelines (or goals, as I prefer to call them) because 1) I want the accountability and 2) I want to record our experiences here on the blog.  When I decided to train for and run a marathon, I wrote a blog about it for the same reasons.  I was inspired by the quote, “The difference between a dream and a goal is the written word.”  Here I put fingers to keyboard and spill digital ink because this is one of the most significant goals I’ve ever undertaken.

Our overarching goal is to limit purchases to needs based items for an entire year.

However, I suppose there’s a lot of wiggle room when it comes to the definition of “need.”  I know I for one can talk myself into many a purchase based on some gymnastic-esque parsing of that word.  If needs based purchasing is our goal, here are our specific guidelines (and pre-planned exceptions) for accomplishing it:

1) Limiting eating out to book dates only.  I’m starting with the hardest.  I love eating out.  Love, love, love it.  I love not having to plan, buy, prep, cook, and clean.  If Gary Chapman ever decided to add a sixth love language, eating out should be it.  However, it is SUCH a drain on our finances.  And (especially in Indonesia), it’s not healthy.  So, while at home in Jakarta, we will limit our eating out to once or at most twice a month, depending on when we finish our planned #DaSHbookdates reading for the month.

Exception A: This summer.  I’m sorry, I just can’t do without Ted’s, Chuy’s, Taco Bueno, La Popular (notice a trend here?), etc. while we’re home over break.  We’re not going to go crazy, but considering we go without for 11 months of the year, a visit or two (in the case of La Popular) to some of our favorite restaurants this summer is just going to happen.

Exception B: Invites from friends.  We won’t turn down opportunities to build relationships because of some silly rule we made up.  However, as we progress into the year, we hope to host more friends in our own home.

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Our last breakfast out at one of our favorite spots

2) Not purchasing new clothes.  This hasn’t been as much of a struggle for us over here, but this summer could be tough.  As we’ve gone through our wardrobes in the process of decluttering, however, we’ve realized that we already have so much, plenty to last us a year.

Exception A: Clementine.  She obviously won’t be able to wear her 12-18 month clothes for the next 12 months.  I plan to buy her a limited number of items over the summer.

Exception B: Workout socks and sports bras.  These are a legitimate need in my wardrobe right now, and I can’t buy ones I really like over here (or I would have bought them prior to 1/1).

3) Gifts (for others, not me and David) are okay.  We also plan to buy a few books/toys for Clementine’s birthday this summer.

4) Very, very limited hobby related purchases are okay.  Most books we choose for book dates are available through digital libraries we’re members of.  However, if a chosen book (either for a book date or Sarah’s book club) is unavailable, we will purchase it for the same reasons we’ll go out to eat with friends if asked.  Relationships are more important than our own self-imposed rules.  As Oscar season draws near, we may also make some Indonesian “rental” purchases (which are super cheap anyway).

5) We are each allowed a birthday dinner out at a restaurant of our choice, and we can take a one night trip while home this summer to celebrate our five year wedding anniversary.  

That’s it!  Can you think of anything I’ve forgotten?  Obviously we can’t anticipate every scenario that may arise over the course of the next year, but we hope these guidelines will provide good boundaries that will allow us to 1) pay off debt more quickly and 2) learn what we really can do without.  Another goal of mine is to blog about our “experiment” each month of 2017.

What about you?  What are your goals for 2017?