I was recently challenged to share my post-marriage thoughts on what I wish I would “have done or become or taken on” before I got married. What would my “Wifey List” look like, Stacey asked in this blog post. I haven’t taken enough time to make an extensive list, but I did share one thing that came to mind, and I wanted to share it here too. Also, who doesn’t need another reason to post wedding pictures almost two years later? 🙂
Wow, what a challenge. While single, I probably spent more time thinking about what I wanted in a spouse than the kind of spouse I wanted to become. : / I’m going to have to take some time to think about “my list,” but for now I will chime in on the first thing that came to mind.
David and I have been married for almost two years. My husband is the most patient, gentle, and non combative person I have ever met … outside of maybe my dad. (It’s a close race!) He is wise and thoughtful. He serves me constantly, and I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
The one thing that I would encourage anyone desiring marriage someday to work on NOW is her ability to handle conflict. My personality is such that if I feel that I have been wronged in some way, I want to address it … head on. I am willing to forgive, but there has to be confrontation, and oftentimes I tend to make the other person feel bad about what they’ve done to offend me. I am quick to see the faults in others and often fail to remove (or even notice) the “log from (my) own eye.”
That just doesn’t work in marriage.
Because David does such a good job of loving me, I’ve grown to expect a lot out of him. 🙂 On the rare occasions that he doesn’t meet my expectations or offends or disappoints me in some way, I get my feelings hurt. And because he’s so good at loving me, he notices. Right away. He is quick to seek forgiveness (oftentimes needlessly so) and wants to make things right as quickly as possible. I, however, sometimes just want to be mad.
Something that I desire to work on in my journey towards becoming a better wife is my ability to LET. IT. GO. I am certainly not perfect, and if anyone expected of me what I expect of others, I would pancake from the weight of it all. Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Likewise, 1 Corinthians 13:6 explains that love “is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” I need to marinate myself in those for awhile.
Don’t get me wrong; there are some issues within marriage that absolutely need to be addressed. We’ve encountered a few of them. Even in those, however, the ability to communicate clearly and lovingly in the midst of conflict is essential. For the little things, though? Let them go. And I would start now … with your parents, with your friends, with your boyfriend, EVERYONE.